I Found Peace Even through Grief


Picture from funeralOne Blog

Death, it’s final.  You can choose to find peace or you can choose to go through the first of the five stages of grief…… denial.  For myself, with the recent and tragic passing of my children’s father, I choose to live in peace, moving forward.

Grief is present in my life, but the pain I really feel is for my children who will now grow up and develop without a father.  As a woman, whom, til this day, has ALWAYS had my father apart of my life, I don’t and won’t ever know what’s that like: to loose your father at a young age.  I’m a mother who provides the nurturing component of parenting to my children (or at least I try to with my teenagers lol).  They only speak one kind of language in the form of the following questions, “Momma can I have..?”…”Can you buy me?”….”Can you pay for…?”….

There will never be words that will comfort their hearts to replace their father’s presence in their life.  I will continuously pray that there’s at least ONE memory that they have and will be able to hold onto and laugh with every thought of that memory….peace.  I pray that in those times of sorrow ahead, that they will lean into God and reach out to their siblings to share stories about their beloved father.

As I sit here and write/type this post, I keep saying, “God, you allowed me to experience domestic violence once in my life, to give me a platform.”  Now, I wouldn’t have picked that “gift” if I had a choice, obviously.  Now I’m thinking that God must want to speak to people who either lost a loved one or who are left to be a single mother due to death of the children’s father(s).  My mind says, “I don’t feel like it.  Not again (lost my youngest son’s father to gun violence, a few years ago).”   I just healed from that loss and now this?!  Again, I made my requests known to God and said, “Please stop birthing ministries for me, through tragedies.

Why can’t I be the bride who blogs about, “5 Tips for Your Honeymoon?”  Must every story I share be about a damn tragedy in my life?  I long to write about love.  I do not want to be speaking at your church or singles ministry about another death…..BUT GOD!  He has a magnificent plan and His plans, are ALWAYS better than mine.  So I’ve learned by now to just “OBEY” His voice/plan, not mine, even though I have questions and know that I’ll cry for a while, once He reveals the answers.  I will never fully understand what I am supposed to do in my children’s life moving forward, and even after my legacy is left behind for them.

I don’t know what stories will come out of this particular life experience but please know that my pen has not left the paper, even through the hurt and the pain that I feel.  To the father of my children, your presence will live through them, each and every day of their lives, moving forward.  It is my charge, I believe, through our Lord and Savior, to help keep your memory alive.

I find peace in knowing that you lived an enjoyable life no matter what.  I find peace in knowing that you are in heaven, the place I long to be.  I find peace in knowing that I had no regrets in my life about you as you entered eternal life.  I find peace in knowing that all of your children, will love you forever.  I will find peace, even in the darkest moments that will come up in my life and you will make your presence known through a sound, touch, smell or memory.

There is peace after the death of a loved one.  Last but not least, he looked so peaceful at the funeral and I pray that when it’s my appointed time to enter the gates of heaven, that I will too because to be absent from the body, is to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8).

If you’ve ever lost a loved one, how did you find peace eventually.  PLEASE be an inspiration to someone who may be grieving while reading this blog post and share your thoughts in the comments.

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